The Osgood File. I'm Charles Osgood.
Most meteorological events, including the tropical depressions that become hurricanes, happen independent of what we do or don't do. We can track them, try to forecast them and get out of their way when possible.
Remember, "How The Grinch Stole Christmas"? Well, I have found a document, previously unreleased, that may well be the long-lost Grinch recipe for making a recession, extending a recession, and turning it into a full-blown depression.
With all due respect to the late Dr. Seuss, who gave me a new way to look at the news, I believe I have found an amazing description ... of what seems to be a depression prescription.
It spells out in detail, step by step, inch by inch ... in the tell-tale and Grinchified style of The Grinch ...
What goes into a slump that becomes a recession ... and how to turn that into full-blown depression.
If business falls off, you must not advertise. Oh no, for that would be extremely unwise.
You must pull in your horns and not let people know ... how great are your products when business is slow.
If you let them find out, they might go out and buy. You don't want that to happen, so don't even try to spark any interest in things that you make. This might slow down the slowdown, for heavens' sake.
There once was a saying that you can dismiss.
If I recall, it went something like this:
"Here's the secret of success," I heard someone say, perhaps on CBS,"Early to bed / Early to rise / Work like a dog / and Advertise!"
If you want a recession, remember that verse ... then go out and do exactly the reverse.
If you're a salesman, don't do any selling. Cancel your ads --- they might be too compelling.
If you're a lender, don't lend any money. Wait 'til the skies clear, and everything's sunny.
Creating depression is really a cinch.
That's how you do it ... Yours Truly, The Grinch.
The Osgood File. Transcripts, podcasts and Mp3s of these programs can be found at theosgoodfile.com.
I'm Charles Osgood on the CBS Radio Network.